Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Top 10 things you shouldn't have given a shit about in 2010

10. Fred Figglehorn
Irritating? Check. Obnoxious? Check.  YouTube sensation? Check.  Fred is a fictitious 6 year old conjured up by the brilliant comedic mind of Lucas Cruikshank.  I’m not sure why he is famous or how this character and these webisodes became popular, but I can assure you this is the reason why you believe your 10 year old has ADD.  And if you’re over the age of 18, I double dare you to watch this video on repeat 5 times with a loaded gun in your hand.




9. Lee DeWyze
Congratulations! You won the last season of American Idol before the show officially jumps the shark. Now that Simon Cowell has hung up his jersey from dismantling and insulting the worst karaoke singers in the world, I’d expect American Idol to crash faster than the reception on your iPhone. But Lee DeWyze is the story of a triumphant, extremely good looking middle-upper class white male who proves that anyone can succeed in America if they put their mind to it.

Better him than that snaggle-toothed Crystal anyway.




8. Salvia
It did for the drug culture what AIDS did for the dating scene.  Legal drugs are legal for a reason.  They’re typically not that good.  But if there’s one spiritual thing Salvia taught me, it’s how idiotic the youth of America is for videotaping their retarded behavior and posting it on YouTube.  Not only does it give drugs a bad name, but people need to start learning that for every good YouTube video, 1000 great stories never happened because someone stuck a camera in the participant's face.





7. LeBron James
Never in the history of professional sports has someone taken out a half hour spot on national television to make an announcement as to where they were going to play the following season.  One man of pretentious character broke the rules and did just that. With his reputation and legacy on the line he made the brave move of turning down a few million dollars to go play with his buddies in Miami to chase the NBA championship (that the Lakers will win).  Poor Cleveland was left in utter devastation, as the city finally realized and came to terms with the fact they had nothing left to live for.







6. Bullying
I’m not for it.  But since when did it become something so out of the ordinary that every talk show in America made it part of their agenda?  Kids get bullied in school and it’s been that way since the public school system was established.  All these kids really need to know are that the ones called “fags” and “dorks” go on to do great things with their lives and the insecure douchebags who do all the bullying usually end up bouncing at titty bars and living in a trailer park.  I guess I’m just saying that I miss the way my generation dealt with bullying, by showing up to first period armed to the teeth.  I bet no kid has been called a fag at Columbine in the last decade.











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